Many people are familiar with Viktor Frankl, noted Austrian psychiatrist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor who said: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's one way."
The power to choose your attitude and response to circumstances that seem out of your control is profoundly important to recognize.
Another familiar quote of Frankl's speaks to the role values and purpose play in getting through difficult times: “He who has a why can get through any how."
Choosing your attitude and way based on your values and purpose all are key aspects of the psychological flexibility underpinning resilience.
When you find yourself up against what seems an insurmountable challenge or you get knocked down by circumstances, your attitude, values, and purpose fuel meaningful action.
But for many people today, the challenges that block productivity, achievement, success, and fulfillment don't come from external sources like a terrible boss, toxic work environments, interpersonal conflicts, war, or natural disasters.
Instead, many barriers we struggle with come from inside–from the thoughts that swirl around our heads 24/7, thoughts created by our very own minds.
Thousands of years ago, we were concerned with survival and our brain's automatic fight, flight, freeze response kept us safe. Today, our automatic thoughts have to do with self-image, respect, autonomy, control, belonging, and connection with others.
These thoughts are laid down through our lives, but many troubling ones come from early in life before we have the capacity for critical thinking. They’re messages we hear from parents, teachers, and others around us, or from conclusions we draw from our own experiences that shape how we see ourselves and the world we live in.
The messages might be things like, "You never finish anything," “Be careful, you’ll get hurt.” "You're clumsy," "If you do xyz, no one will like you," "What's wrong with you? You should be able to do this.” It's easy!" "You're too fat," or "You're not a math person."
We take it all in, learning to judge and criticize ourselves and others, while others judge and criticize us.
There's probably not a person on earth who hasn't ever doubted themselves when their mind has said, "Don't try this. You could fail." Judged themselves harshly with, "You're not good enough!" Or berated and beaten themselves up saying, "I knew you'd screw up. Your failure just proved it."
Unfortunately, thoughts like these have a way of consuming our attention, especially if they are painful, unpleasant, or distressing.
The problem is the mind doesn't know the difference between past and present, so yesterday's messaging in what may be just a single event or context becomes today's reality applied universally. This is simply how the mind works.
And it's what everyone's mind does. Even yours. All the time.
So, it’s easy to get hooked in at least three ways:
You get triggered: A thought spikes your anxiety or worsens your mood.
Your thoughts are one-sided: You lose perspective or are fixated on a single thought.
You’re lost in thought: You’re preoccupied, ruminating, and not present to what’s happening in the here-and-now.
What’s worse is trying to avoid the thoughts, distract yourself from them, or figure out why they are there in the first place.
As a psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl held a wholly different idea about how his patients should handle the seemingly endless cycle of unworkable thoughts, feelings, and sensations that trapped them.
When working with an artist named Anna, he advised:
"Don’t be concerned with the strange feelings haunting you. Ignore them. Don’t watch them. Don’t fight them . . .
Turn your gaze to what is waiting for you. What counts is not what lurks in the depths, but what waits in the future, waits to be actualized by you.
Imagine, there are about a dozen great things, works which wait to be created by Anna, and there is no one who could achieve and accomplish it but Anna. No one could replace her in this assignment. They will be your creations, and if you don’t create them, they will remain uncreated forever…"
Notice Frankl ‘s emphasis on purpose, meaning, and committed action in the service of values?
This is also reflected in the actions of people with the greatest psychological flexibility and resilience. They know how to separate themselves from the automatic self-defeating messages of the mind to act in the service of important values to do what counts.
How would you rate your ability to ignore distressing thoughts, feelings, and sensations? Abandon your concern? Cease watching them and instead turn your attention to the work that only you can do?
How does your psychological flexibility and resilience measure up?
See where you’re at by taking this psychological flexibility assessment.
People who take the assessment find it enlightening and valuable . . . and a good measure of how well they’re doing and areas they can work on.