Hi!
I’m writing to invite you to travel on a journey with us as we gear up for this fall’s group coaching course, Be Your Own Best Coach.
Our theme for this time around is adaptability, which you can read about here.
We’ll be writing to you weekly as we head into the course. Think of each email as a powerful and practical mini-course just by itself. Through our emails, we’ll introduce you to a few critical ideas, give you insights that other students have shared with us, and even invite you to take advantage of free resources that will give you some quick wins.
Our goal is to help you be your own best coach, succeeding in your life at home and on the job in exactly the way that’s right for you, whether you end up taking our course or not.
The first stop on our journey together is to define what we mean by adaptability.
Adaptability, in the most simple terms, means being able to adjust to new conditions. A lot of people consider that adapting to new conditions means accepting things as they are. That accepting includes not resisting change, not struggling with a new set of circumstances, and not fighting back against what’s new and different.
Some people (think of any surly teen you know) express their “adaptability” with a shoulder shrug and a mumbled “whatever.”
Of course, it doesn’t only take being a teen to deliver that kind of response to new conditions and changed circumstances. Just think about what happens at home, work, or in the community when a new policy or practice is put in place. (Anyone want to talk about how the toilet paper roll should be mounted or how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste?)
Naturally, there are champions. But there are also what some people would consider the “also rans” and even “losers.”
For people who are less-than-gung-ho about a specific change, adapting looks like slumped shoulders (giving in and giving up), rolling the eyes, and ultimately, doing the least possible to appear as if they are getting with the program.
Notice that we’re not talking about active resistance or sabotage. That’s for another time, another story.
But before we go on, let’s go back for just a moment. Remember my friend, the psychologist, who I talked about in the previous email? The one with the bumper sticker that read, “Change is a given. Adapting is a choice.”
I don’t know what it is about my friend, but in my mind, he wins the prize for meaningful bumper stickers . . . and t-shirts messages.
T’-shirts? What about them?
We’ll get to that, but think about the scenarios we sketched above. Those in which conditions change and people submit to the new circumstances. I say “submit” because too often, instead of actually adapting, some people sink into a state of resignation and who-cares.
Right now, reflect on a time when you yourself might have been the “victim” of a change you didn’t anticipate, plan for, or want.
How did you adapt?
Did you go along with the change . . . in principle? Did you grudgingly accept it and try to make the best of it? Or did you maybe find yourself dragging your feet, hoping things would revert to a previous “normal?”
It’s not uncommon for us to find ourselves in exactly that kind of foot-dragging situation, particularly when we feel powerless, without voice or choice.
But there’s a big danger to that. One that not only affects the external factors and agents imposing the change, but your own internal sense of wellbeing.
The big danger of merely going along with new conditions and changed circumstances is that while your mouth says “yes,” your gut screams “no!”
And that brings up my friend’s t-shirt message:
What’s the definition of distress?
Distress is when your mouth says “yes” and your guts screams “no!”
It’s an inner turmoil that can feel like it’s tearing you apart . . . and really can tear you apart physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
The good news is that there is another way, another route. You can do far more and far better than only “accepting” . . .
. . . but that's that for our next email.
Keep your eye out for it and we’ll tell you what you can do instead: The Skill of Managing.
Deborah Teplow
Be Your Own Best Coach Co-Founder
P.S. Click here to sign up for updates about the course and get our Kickstart Guide.