The Upside . . . and Darkside of the Things in Your LIfe

In the Be Your Own Best Coach Y-PET (You, People, Environment, and Things) framework, Things means the external factors--tools, props, gear, equipment, games, and challenges--that motivate and enable you to act in ways that help you achieve your goals.

Things exert their influence on two levels--on the micro and the macro levels.

Things on the micro level keep you on course day-to-day:

Keeping your yoga mat open on your floor to make stretching easy
Using an iPad and Apple Pencil to simplify workflow
Subscribing to the Peloton app to get in great workouts in a supportive community
Keeping a leakproof, easy-to-use water bottle on hand to ensure that you stay hydrated

One thing that’s often very surprising to people is the endless number of tweaks you can make on the micro level that can have a big impact.

For example, one of our students who struggled to take her vitamins every morning experienced a complete transformation when she started setting out the day’s supply the night before in a handmade ceramic bowl placed on her kitchen table. She had bought the bowl at an art fair and loved it, but kept it tucked away in a cupboard.

By putting the bowl to work in this way, she gave herself the opportunity to enjoy twice a day: in the evening when she set out her vitamins and first thing in the morning when she entered her kitchen and saw it on her table. And she took her vitamins every day!

(By the way, this example has inspired a lot of other people we work with to look for similar ways to tweak how they use things. So be on the lookout yourself for those micro-level changes you can make using things that can have a big impact.)

The Fatal Consequences of Having Inadequate Things, Large and Small

Things on a macro level are the systems and processes that you use to put the tools, props, gear, and equipment in place at the right time in the right way to support your work toward big goals, big meaning, big purpose.

Without question, the presence or absence of things--tools, props, gear, equipment--as well as the systems and processes that enable you to use them to take action, can spell the difference between success and failure. And even life and death.

One of the earliest, most famous--and ingenious--graphics that illustrates the truth of this idea is Charles Joseph Minard’s map that portrays the losses suffered by Napoleon’s army during his 1812-1813 ill-fated attempt to take over Russian territory.

The big elements in this graphic, even without the small print, tell the whole story.

Starting at the Polish-Russian border with the thick brown band that flows from left to right, you see the size of his army at each position: Napoleon started with 422,000 men.

Now, notice the dark lower band.

It starts out thick at the far right and then shrinks to almost nothing as it sinks toward the lower left corner. That’s the path of Napoleon's retreat from Moscow in the bitterly cold winter; a retreat that ended with just 4,000 soldiers.

(Minard’s map is considered a marvel because it tied in temperature and time scales in the chart at the bottom of the graphic, giving a full picture of the challenges and dire results.)

To say the least, Napoleon’s assault on Russia was a terrible failure.

And it wasn’t because of some weakness in his soldiers or their lack of fighting skills.

It was the combination of a few simple factors: Not enough equipment, a breakdown in supply lines that prevented needed supplies from getting to the army, and insufficient clothing, boots, blankets, and other things to protect the army from Russia’s killer-cold winter.

This same mistake was repeated a little over 100 years later when Germany invaded the Soviet Union with millions of soldiers, hundreds of thousands of tanks and horses, and everything else to wage battle. Like Napoleon’s army, the Germans also lacked the clothes and equipment to make it through the Russian winter.

In both cases, the disasters were the result of poor management of things on both the micro and macro levels: poor systems and processes that resulted in the absence of the required micro-level items.

What Leaders Need to Do About Things

Alison Levine, captain of the first American women’s team to summit Mount Everest makes the point that managing things is a fundamental leadership skill, part of responsible decision making.

Whether it’s your own self-leadership or leading your team, having the skills to manage systems and processes so you so get the right things to the right place at the right time to do the job is critical.

Here’s what Levine says:

“Leaders are supposed to know what skills and equipment are needed to get the job done right or to achieve a goal. If you have one but not the other--if you have the right skills but don’t have the right equipment--you’ll fail.”

The bottom line is that you must have both the right stuff and the right way to put it to use.

By looking at things from both the micro and macro levels, you cover the bases from what you need to get the job done to how you do it.

One Thing that’s Keeping Us from the Summit

Levine concludes: “Whatever you need to get the job done on time and in a way that allows you to stand tall and be proud of the results.”

When Levine talks about standing tall and being proud, she’s not talking about a dinky job like doing your dishes after dinner. She means big endeavors with big purpose that have lasting impact . . . like Napoleon’s march on Moscow or reaching the summit of Everest.

Now, it’s unlikely that you will ever have to lead armies through a freezing winter without adequate supplies or that your next vacation is to Everest.

But you probably have to contend with our modern American version of the problem.

You see, one of the challenges that plague a lot of Americans is that we have plenty of things, but we don’t manage them well. We buy too much of the wrong stuff and don’t have systems and processes in place to ensure that we invest adequately in the “good” stuff.

38% of Americans claim they can't afford to fund a retirement plan
35% say they can't afford a life insurance policy
28% can't afford to pay off credit card debt
26% can't afford car repairs

But consider this:

The average American home contains 300,000 items
23% of adults pay late fees on bills because they lose them before they get a chance to pay them
One out of four houses with a two-car garage has so much stuff in the garage, a car fit in
On average, every year every American throws away over 68 pounds of clothing
The average American woman has 103 items of clothing in her wardrobe:
- 21% is considered “unwearable”
- 33% too tight
- 24% too loose
- 12% is new, unworn clothing
- 10% is available and worn
The average adult spends $1,497 a month on nonessential items. That’s about $18,000 per year per adult and $1.2 trillion a year for the country as a whole

Unfortunately, the problems we have with how we manage things isn’t limited only to debt and waste.

When We Don’t Manage Our Things Well, It Costs More Than Just Money

Consider how popularized meditation and mindfulness have become.

Have any conversation about personal or organizational effectiveness and you’re sure to hear about them at some point along the way.

In fact, a Google search tells you how ubiquitous meditation and mindfulness are: They get almost the same number of search results as “vegetables” or “healthy eating.”

What’s ironic is that at the same time, one of the greatest challenges we have today that takes away from our productivity, effectiveness, and sense of satisfaction on the job and even at home is distraction. The opposite of mindfulness, right?

(Maybe that’s why we need the meditation and mindfulness so badly!)

Nir Eyal, expert in human behavior and behavior design, defines distraction as “the process of interrupting attention” and “a stimulus or task that draws attention away from the task of primary interest.”

Distractions take us away from what we want to do--doing a task at work or home, working on a hobby, or enjoying time with others.

During lock-down, a lot of people found themselves distracted and binge-watching things like The Queen’s Gambit, Game of Thrones, or The Crown.

This is one kind of distraction. It’s what we also do when we procrastinate. We take ourselves away from the task we need to do by engaging in another activity.

But the kind of distraction we’re talking about comes from our digital devices, particularly our phones.

This kind of distraction is the repeated--and often constant--interruption that disturbs or halts whatever we’re doing at the time with sudden interference.

Think notifications.

How many different kinds do you get within a short span of time?

If you’re like most people, you probably get between 46 and 63 push notifications everyday, 7 days a week.

People not only tolerate the interruption, but in a large industry survey, half the people who subscribe to push notifications, found them irritating and distracting.

We won’t dig down deep into this, except to say that choosing to get notifications that irritate and distract may have to do with how our ancient brain loves novelty and our modern selves hate the thought of missing out.

A question many researchers have been asking for years is how big a deal are these many interruptions?

Turns out interruptions are a really big deal.

Regardless of the nature of the interruption, whether it’s related to the task at hand or not, it takes about 20 minutes to get back into the game after the interruption.

In addition, people who are constantly interrupted develop a way to work faster to make up for the time they lose by being interrupted. This means that time is not entirely lost. But people make up for interruptions by changing their processes, strategies, and even mental states. The cost is higher workloads, more stress, higher frustration, more time pressure, and a lot more effort.

People may learn how to work faster, but at a very steep price.

Distractions and Interruptions Take a Toll on Social Wellbeing

A second downside of the distraction and interruptions we suffer by not managing our digital devices is its effect on relationships.

MIT sociologist Sherry Turkle, has spent over 25 years studying the impacts of technology on how we behave alone and in groups.

One of her most important findings is that simply having our phones on the table while having a conversation can reduce our ability to deeply connect with others.

In her research from 2015, she found that during their last interaction:

89% of Americans say that they took out a phone
82 percent said that it deteriorated the conversation they were in

Basically, we’re doing something that we know is hurting our interactions.

Want proof of how widespread phones-on-tables are today?

Go into any restaurant today and see how many people have their phones sitting right next to them on the table. Unless it’s some kind of early bird special for the elderly, the likelihood is that the percentage of people with phones on the table may be even higher than 89%.

Even worse, with Covid, restaurants are turning toward the phone as a way to replace physical menus with QR codes that are accessed via phone. “Not just a passing fad” is what one industry expert predicted as she described how the use of QR codes could be expanded beyond reading a menu to actually placing an order while you sit at the table.

Turkle’s research shows that the constant presence of our phones changes the nature of our social interactions in alarming ways. It may even reduce our capacity for empathy, introspection, creativity, and intimacy. She goes so far as to say that the phone is eroding the social fabric of our communities.

That’s because from the start, the phone signals that we not only don’t mind being interrupted--we prioritize not missing out over connection.

When conversation is threatened by potential interruption, Turkle found that people kept their conversations superficial: The phone decreased the emotional importance of what people were willing to talk about.

After all, how likely are you to share what’s really going on for you or what really concerns you when you could be interrupted at any moment?

Turkle also points out that cell phones promise that we can always find something to put our attention on and never be bored. But being fully present in our human interactions is what keeps us connected in safe and trusting relationships. It says we commit ourselves 100% to the other person.

And moments of boredom are crucial to human interaction because boredom gives our brains downtime. While we may feel bored, our brains replenish so we can be more present and connected.

Our Phones Distance Us from Conflict

In an earlier blog on the element of People in our Y-PET framework, we shared a fundamental truth about human beings: We’re social animals. We bite and lick.

The nature of good relationships is actually a dance of closeness and distance, rupture and repair. Conflict is a given in all human relationships.

In fact, the strongest, and most trusting and satisfying relationships are between people who are most skilled at managing conflict--allowing it and resolving it in healthy ways--that bring them even closer.

Dealing with conflict isn’t easy, particularly because we’re often so bad at it. But that only means we have to work on developing better skills.

The problem with phones is that they allow us to avoid conflict, to skirt issues, to put our heads in the emotional sand.

Here’s where the intersection of People and Things in the Y-PET framework comes into play.

Instead of working together with others to repair from the rupture of conflict and build our social connection, we dial it down with distraction or try to manage conflict by texting.

What this tells the other person is that their truth, unedited feelings--and perhaps even their rage--are unacceptable and something you can’t handle.

But one universal truth for people around the world is the need to be heard and accepted, to have the intensity of their feelings honored.

For this task, the phone flunks.

Step Back, Step In

To repeat Alison Levine’s lesson: It’s about having the skills and equipment to do the job so you can stand tall and proud.

When it comes to working with the things in your life, it’s a matter of stepping back to manage systems and processes at the macro level and stepping in to harness all the tools, props, and gear on the micro level.

It’s a big job. But more easily done if you follow the punch line of the joke, “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer is, “One bite at a time.”

Click here for an Action Guide that will help you take that first bite.

If you're just joining and missed the series of posts featuring the Be Your Own Best Coach revolutionary Y-PET framework on the Art & Science of Lasting Change, catch up on previous posts below.

Y-PET stands for You, People, Environment, and Things. It’s a framework for change that gives you a systematic and deliberate way to manage the many factors that can either put you into the winner’s circle of positive change or leave you at the back of the pack.